


A Heavy Choice

by acrazyobsession



Category: Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s03e02 Murder and the Maiden, F/M, Trembling, Whumptober 2019, canon adjacent, less comfort more hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 02:17:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21189923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acrazyobsession/pseuds/acrazyobsession
Summary: The future of their relationship weighs heavily on Phryne’s mind.





	A Heavy Choice

**Author's Note:**

> An unplanned addition to MFMM Whumptober 2019 - Prompt "Trembling" 
> 
> I have tried really hard in my other stories to stay as close to canon as possible. But this one kind of had a mind of its own, but I really like it. Thank you to the wonderful **ollyjay** for reading this over for me. And thank you **Miss_Ash** for inspiring my love of angst.

Jack arrived much like he had many other nights; the familiar rap on the door always bringing a smile to her face. But as soon as he turned to walk into the parlour, she knew. His handsome face was void of the special smile he usually flashed in her direction. His jaw clenched. His eyes filled with anguish.

Knots suddenly formed in her stomach. Panic built in her chest. Her heart began to race. She had seen this before. Everything about his posture brought back memories of the night he had shown up nearly six months ago. That argument had been about her recklessness, and the evening had ended with tears and a dissolution of their partnershipーthough only temporarily. This was different. This was about Compton. About what Jack thought had happened. 

His reaction at the fence last night and the cold shoulder she had received since should have been a clueーshe should have seen this coming. But she had again brushed it off. Looking at Jack now, she needed this evening to end better. She needed to ease his mind before he made a rash decision. She couldn’t let her bad decision ruin what they had been building over the last year.

She moved toward him, a pleading look in her eyes. “Jack, nothing hapー”

“I don’t want to know.” His voice was firmーresolvedーquiet.

She was taken aback and halted mid step. Her brows furrowed. “Let me explain.” A year of working as closely together as they had and he wasn’t even going to allow her that?

“We need a break.” It was abrupt and to the point. “I admit, I handled the other night poorly.” He didn’t look her in the eye but instead focused on the brim of his hat in his hands. “I was waiting for you and had a few too many drinks. But after last night,” his gaze shifted to hers, “maybe I wasn’t too far off. I don’t want to change you, but I have reached a limit. It just hurts too much.”

The look he had flashed her last night was not one of sadness. It was a knowing glance that said he was not surprised. And that was worse than anger or regret. Standing there, barefoot, with Compton’s leather coat wrapped around her, she had felt guilty. The first time she had felt that way about one of her dalliances. Jack’s outburst in her parlour the other night had gotten her thinking. Even if it had been brought on by too many drinks and a touch of her father’s nerve tonic, he was obviously more bothered than he had let on. 

She regretted letting it go as far as it had with Compton, but it hadn’t gone as far as Jack thought it had. That feeling in and of itself was enough for her to realize that thisーwhatever it was between themーwas serious. She had always known he was different, and their friendship was important to her. But it wasn’t until today that she realized just how much that friendship had changed.

“I’m sorry.” She could tell that he was thrown off by the apology. He had been ready to argue his point. “I didn’t intend to hurー”

“But you did.” His shock had quickly been pushed away by the pain that he obviously still felt. He was now looking her in the eye, his own were red and glistening.

“So you get to explain yourself, but I don’t get to have two words? How is that fair? I am part of this team too, Jack.”

“Are you?”

“What is that supposed to mean? I helped you catch Higgins and Greaves.” 

“Yes.” He nodded. “Yes you did help close the case. But that’s not what we’re talking about here.”

“How am I not part of this team?” She shook her finger between the two of them. 

“Sometimes I think you areーthat we are on the same page. And other times...“ He let the words hang.

“You know who I am.”

“And you don’t think that makes it worse? You’ve said that you don’t want a real relationship because you don’t want to lose yourself to someone ever again. You have known me longer than you knew René Dubois.” He spat the name out. “I understand. I saw his effect on you. What about our friendship or time together makes you think that I would be anything like him?” He paused to take a breath, and with a softer voice continued, “Don’t you trust me, Phryne?”

She didn’t realize there were tears welling up in her eyes until her quick intake of breath caught her off guard and her hand flew to her mouth. Just as his rant a few nights ago had confounded her, this one did as well. She could tell that he was surprised by the tearful reaction. Roughly she wiped the tears from her face. He was so very right. He was nothing like René. He had proven he didn’t want to control her. Granted, he had tried to keep her safe, but his actions in those circumstances had been different. What was her excuse?

“I do trust you. I put my life in your hands everyday. I trust you more than anyone else I know.”

“Then what is it? Are you playing some game with me?”

That hit her right in the chest, and a laugh of disbelief escaped her lips.

“I’m sorry, Phryne. That was too far.” He stepped toward her, his face covered with apology.

“No.” Holding her hand up and stepping back toward the fireplace, she tried to catch her breath.

“I don’t know how to do this.” It just popped out of her mouth. She turned around to face him. His face showing his slight confusion. “This.” Again her hands were making frantic gestures between their two bodies. 

“Was Compton a bad decision? Maybe. Yes.” She corrected. “But I am still trying to figure this out. I am who I am. And I am not trying to hide behind that,” she quickly added, “but I have been that person for a very long time, Jack. And then you walk into my life and suddenly I am wondering if there is something different.” Her hand wiped a tear that had escaped. "Just that thought is a big change for me. I like who I am. I like my life." _ But I love you _. 

Her chest tightened at the thought. Love. Was it love? Is that what she was feeling? He would be so worth the leap, and looking at him standing in front of her, she desperately wanted to be able to leap. “If it feels like I am playing some game, I am truly sorry.” The tears were streaming down her face now. Jack hesitantly stepped forward and handed over his handkerchief. “Thank you.” She dabbed at her eyes and blew her nose.

“I do trust you. With my life. With my heart.” Her voice was barely above a whisper and paused. Vulnerability was not a place she liked to be. But she had just admitted to the level of which she trusted him. She looked him straight in the eye. “I don’t know if I can trust myself with yours.” 

Her tears had now become sobs. She was realizing for the first time the extent to which she may be pulling him alongーmaking him feel like some sort of play thing. “And I don’t want to hurt you. But that’s what I’m doing anyway.” This was not how she expected the evening to go. She covered her face with her hands, shoulders trembling.

“Can you look at me?” His voice was so tender that she didn’t think she could make eye contact without completely falling apart. She took a moment to gather herself. Sniffling, she let her arms drop from her face and slowly lifted her head to look into his eyes. The smile that had been missing when he walked in was now in place. Her heart shattered.

He was right. He was nothing like René. But because of René she had needed to become a different person. To protect herself. And unfortunately, she wasn’t sure she could change again. Compton had proven that. Is what she felt for Jack love? Even if it wasn’t, she cared too much to let him put his trust in her. 

He reached his hand up to wipe a tear away.

She stepped back. “I’m giving you up this time.”


End file.
